What does ‘Romance’ mean after 17 years together and 2 kids?

A few days ago I came across a post on Facebook that started as a bit of fun – one of those ‘Build Your Ideal Man’ posts which lists a number of attributes and you can only pick a certain number of them. It was posted in a Mother’s Group and we all had a great time participating.

We soon realised though that most of us chose the same attributes – Funny, Smart, Faithful. We discussed the fact that no one chose ‘Romantic’ as a favourable attribute in our ideal man, and that got me thinking – as mother’s/wives/partners when did we push romance down the ‘must have’ list in our relationship? Did we no longer expect romance? Were we too tired and busy to give a crap about romance?

I started remembering how in my naivety as a young woman I bought into the whole ‘romance’ hoopla and I had high expectations of how romantic I wanted my poor boyfriend (now husband) to be. I wanted the flowers, the candlelit dinners, I wanted to be swept off my feet. And bless him my man did his best! He would send me flowers on special occasions (or just because), he took me to the best restaurants, would whisk me away on little romantic getaways and would spoil me with pampering days at my favourite Day Spa. I am one lucky lady.

But then as our relationship progressed and we became engaged and then we were married everything changed. My perspective of what I defined as ‘romantic’ shifted. I no longer cared so much about the expensive dinners and the flowers (although I am not going to lie, it was still nice when we indulged!). I felt that the money could be better spent on things for our home and our new life together. Instead I found the little things to be the most romantic. Like when he would come home with my favourite movie on DVD because he knew I had been dying to find it (and he had secretly been trying to track it down for me). Or the cake he would bake for me because he knew I was having a bad day.

'First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby sitting in the carriage'

‘First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby sitting in the carriage’

It's the little things...

It’s the little things…

Then we had children and that shifted my perspective again – I mean who the hell has time to watch a freaking movie when you have a house full of boys?! We are lucky to get a ‘date night’ once a year let alone have the time and energy to go out for fancy dinners and romantic getaways! What are those again? My idea of a getaway these days is being able to use the toilet for more than 5 minutes without having an audience!! BUT having said that – there is still romance in our relationship – it’s just morphed again into a different form.

NOW romantic gestures are when my husband wakes up next to his drooling, snoring, crazy haired wife, kisses my cheek then quietly leaves the room to start the day with our beautiful boys and feeds the baby so I can have a little sleep in.

Romance is when he is faced with aΒ frazzled wife who is still in her pjs and is rocking a killer birds nest hairdo because she has had one hell of a crappy day, is crazy enough to still think I am his ‘beautiful wife’, kisses me and sends me on my way to enjoy some free time to have a nice hot shower or bath so I can relax for a moment.

It is so freaking romantic that my husband comes home with ‘care packs’ of chocolate, breast pads, nipple cream and pain relief because he knows my boobs may just fall off any minute thanks to my breast feeding efforts.

So do women forget about romance after marriage and kids? I don’t think so. We just appreciate different things at different stages of our lives. That’s not to say that after years together and a few kids later we don’t appreciate it if we are swept off our feet and showered with flowers, diamonds and days spent at a Spa, but after a while the simplest, most genuine and thoughtful gesture can be the most romantic thing in the world.

What do you define as ‘romantic’ now?



13 thoughts on “What does ‘Romance’ mean after 17 years together and 2 kids?

  1. njncguy says:

    Great post! I like (and agree) with your core thought that ” romance ” is more about genuinely caring for ( and doing things for) your spouse.

    It seems “romance” is too often a synonym for a (wife) wanting a husband to just spend money on them (be it a “better” wedding ring or whatever). That’s why I found your comments refreshing and on the mark as to what constitutes “romantic” in a mature relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mamasvidaloca says:

      Thank you for your lovely comment! Yes I agree. Although it is lovely to be spoilt with the material things it is not necessary in order to maintain a healthy relationship. After all what would happen to those who can not afford the expensive bling and finery?!


  2. Mum-bo-Jumbo says:

    I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for nearly 3. If this is what I have to look forward to after 17 years together, than nothing will have changed! Hahaha!! Thanks for linking up at Mum-bo Monday, this week’s party is now live and I hope to see you again

    Liked by 1 person

    • mamasvidaloca says:

      Hahaha!!! It’s not a bad thing! πŸ˜‰ Thank you for your lovely message x I have joined in again for Mum-bo Monday and your Tuesday link up too. I look forward to reading and following the lovely blogs featured on there. πŸ˜ƒ


  3. Rachel Stewart says:

    I never cared that much about romance before kids, I still don’t but sometimes it really really does make a difference. Though romance nowadays is like three days ago I was super cranky and snappy – and I felt terrible about it but I couldn’t shake myself out of it because I was just so overwhelmed. And the next day he let me sleep in until 10pm, we went shopping and he bought me shoes (thongs, nothing fancy, because I needed them ) he organised dinner, he then sat on the couch and watched twilight with me – it was really sweet. That’s my kind of romance…. also made me feel a bit….. romantic… funny how that works. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • mamasvidaloca says:

      Sounds like the perfect day! Good on you Mr S! Honestly that is a very romantic gesture for a Mummy and Wifey – and yes funny how it does put you in a ‘romantic’ mood haha πŸ˜‰ Husbands take note!


  4. Christine says:

    Wow, congratulations on 17 yrs! My husband and I have been together almost 9 yrs, married 5. Romance is when he sends me a text message out of the blue saying “I told tell you enough how much I appreciate and love you”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mamasvidaloca says:

      Thank you! And congratulations to you on almost 9 years! πŸ™‚ I think it’s lovely he sends you those little messages – sometimes the little things are the most meaningful.


  5. Amy @ HandbagMafia says:

    Romance is very different these days- but it means more, I think. A cooked dinner after a 12 hour shift is a regular feature here; my husband is awesome like that. Or a foot rub because he knows I love them. Or a bath- ALONE for a change so no toddler!- and he brings me a cup of tea.

    Liked by 1 person

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